So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
