i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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