I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
