Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize