He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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