You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
time to smoke my breakfast
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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