She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
