I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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