He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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