he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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