you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
