Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
