Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize