The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
