I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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