Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
