i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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