I hate your face
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
