Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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