You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
