every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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