He uses pillows to masturbate.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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