i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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