Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
