I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
