So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
