it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
