i jhust puked up my retainher.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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