my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
