he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
