Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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