Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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