We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
