Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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