I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
