The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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