My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
