It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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