All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
