I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
