So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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