i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
