..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
