i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Floor bacon is actually really good
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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