Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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