It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
