y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
