you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
