so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
