something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
