I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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