I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
