I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
