i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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