I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
