i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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