Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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