that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
