Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
