I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize