what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
