two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need water and some morals
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
