If i come over, it means nothing
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
