overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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