guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
