Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
