im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
